aku ingin aku

aku ingin tahu siapa aku.

adakah aku tiada arah tuju?

mengapa aku sering tertanya-tanya apa tujuan hidupku.

mengapa aku sering berasa ingin mencuba semua perkara sedangkan aku....

tidak.

aku mesti positif.

tapi yang pastinya aku tahu bukan semua kehendak kita akan kita capai.

kerana halangan yang menimpa pasti ada hikmahnya.

di sebalik itu...

ada yang lebih baik sedang menanti kita.

tapi..

aku tetap akn mencuba mengubah cara pemikiran aku yang dulunya disorak anjing penjajah.

aku anak Melayu ingin berjaya di mercu.

aku tidak pernah berasa peritnya didera penjajah..

aku tidak pernah berasa sakitnya dijijak mereka...

aku tidak pernah berasa luka pejuang bangsaku...

tapi..

aku sanjung apa yang telah mereka korbankan..

apa yang mereka pertaruhkan...

aku hanya boleh meneruskan usaha mereka dengan maju mengatasinya..

adakah mereka tahu bagaimana keadaan mereka??

"mereka yang kini" hanya tahu berbalah..

warna kulit yang sama tapi masing-masing ingin mengoyakkan kulit sesama "mereka yang kini"...

asalkan 'isi' mereka bertambah...

apa "mereka yang kini" peduli??!!

biar "akar" dicerca..

biar "akar" diperkotak-katikkan..

argh..

apa 'aku' kisah??

asalkan aku punya KUASA!!

punya WANG!!

punya KAWASAN!!

penyakit yang semakin menular tidak dipedulikan..

rakyat menderita kerananya..

biarkan pengkhianat bangsa itu..

dia belum kenal siapa itu TUHAN.

tapi rasanya dia tidak akan sempat kenal sebelum dia membuat kesilapan itu..

ohh tidak!!

ada seorang lagi...

kitab suci mengatakan NABI MUHAMMAD utusan terakhir..

aku tidak terlalu arif dalam bidang ini kerana aku sebagai manusia juga melakukan kekhilafan..

namun..

aku masih tahu tiada sesiapa yang maksum lagi kini..

semua manusia melakukannya..

KHILAF

'mereka yang lain' itu boleh mencerca 'akar'??

kerana apa?

APA??

mereka tidak arif juga seperti ku??

tetapi aku tidak mencerca 'akar' pun..

kenapa aku yang masih sebesar kacang tidak boleh..

tetapi..

mereka yang sudah tua bangka boleh??

sepatutnya ilmu mereka lebih tinggi daripada aku..

jika pun mereka tidak tahu..

mereka patutnya beradab sedikit...

hanya 'mereka yang lain' yang tidak bertamadun melakukan itu..

aku bukan ingin mengutk sesiapa...

malahan lagi laman sesawang ini menjadi tumpuan orang ramai meluahkan serta menghentam musuhnya..

tetapi aku tidak berniat sebegitu..

aku hanya ingin melepaskan geram dengan meluahkan isi hatiku ke dalam blog ini...

jadi..

pembaca hanya boleh memberi komen...

namun bukan itu diperdebatkan..

aku masih muda...

dan mungkin fikiran ku masih tidak jelas tentang semua ini...

semua yang sedang terjadi dalam sistem pemerintahan kini...

fikiranku tidak terbuka luas lagi untuk memandang semuanya...

tetapi ini adalah pendapatku..

dari pandanganku...

ketikaku berumur 17 tahun..

long time no see

hey u all!!
it has been long since i come back to school for one week.
igtkn xde org nk bce blog ni.
until i knew ade someone confess.
today is 19/7.
yesterday,was the last day for trial exam.
3 more days to go home.
can't wait!!
nasib baik c. mariam bwk msk dlm lab comp. nie...
klau x..x berkesempatan la nak log in..
huhu..
c.mariam sruh bukak sejarahmgcm.wordpress.com
sruh ktorg msuk anjung n lwn dgn boys mckk..ssas...rmc..
talking bout rmc..
c.mariam kate ktorg akn pegi sne bln 10 nie..
hurm..
tkotlah..
coz,...xready lg dgn info-info sejeq..
haha!!
skrg ni cg tgh berusaha nk pasang lagu 1 Malaysia.
go cikgu!!
x tahulah ape nk jadi dekat result exam trial niey..
semoga Allah tolong..
so..
sambung kt rumah plak ye..
c ya.

seminggu dah kt skul..

sudah berada di ssp seminggu.

still in the holidays mood.

ble nk bukak buku..

bce satu page jew..

dh boring.

nk blik rumah lah..

npe suma org kt sini ckp bnde yg sme?

ble dh form 5..

suma ngade2 nk blk rumah..

padahal..

mse form4 dlu x mcm ni pn..

haha!!

maybe suma org x sbar nk kluar skul kot..

smlm pegi wind och kt picc..

ssp kalah..

again dpt saguhati 4 tha 2nd time.

xpelah.

maybe xde rezeki..

tkc menang 4 the 1st time..

that's why diorg brsorak gle..

mcm nk runtuh picc tue..

1st time lah katakan..

mse ssp kne announce saguhati pn tkc n sdar brsorak gle kt torg..

seronok lah ktorg kalah..

pdhal mse tue xckp pn lg diorg mng..

well..sas pun..bwh ktorg..still saguhati.

puas aty??dua2 dpt saguhati??

xyah nk gaduh2 dh..haha!!

hurm..

biarlah crita tu.

after nie..

time to study.

tggl about 5 weeks more until trial.

this is really important to me..

sbb.

i tringin nk dpt scholarship petronas..

so..

i kne try harder nk dptkn bnde tue..

dorg ckp petronas slalu tgk trial kte..

so..pray 4 me lah..

next week my burfday!!

x sbar nk jd 17 secara rasminyer..

haha!!!

bru rse mcm dh btul2 f:5

kikikiki!!

that means i kne brubah jd lebih matang dr skrg..

n i nk jd seorg yg berjaya dlm hidup x kira dunia or akhirat..

chewah..

i pn nk brubah jd seorg yg lebih berani dlm apa jua keadaan..

huhu!!

kejuruteraan kimia..that's what i'm gonna learn..

maybe going to university petronas or japan!!

hurm..

act..

skrg ni x mndi lg..

skul dh ade wireless..

so,dh x pyh gne broadband ija lg!!

o.klah..

nk g mndi dlu..

muahx!

not in the mood :(

i don't know..

this week is very challenging to me..

not too many pressure..

but just something about "girl's things"..

well..

my frens knew bout..

my nickname..

it hurts very much..

it happens evrytime i had this thing..

last time i felt it during exam..

it is mid year exam..

which is the results will be use for bicara akademik..

and i had it while i'm writing a Malay essay..

oh God!!..

i don't know what to do that time..

just pray for A1!!..

NOW..

i'm doing my homework..

additional mathematics project work 2009..

i took some from asma..

i owe her a lot..

if u are reading this..

thanx very much ya!..

143..:P

act..

i'm mad with my dad..

tok wan sakit..

n i have to go back to Kedah..

my dad x ikut sbb he has something to do..

so..

i blk with my mom n yong jer..

ble my dad nk blk..

i ask him to bring bck the notebook..

but..

he did'nt..

he even said ..

"kt rumah pn x bwat"..

ha??

i kcil hati lah..

sbb ble i ade mood nk bwat..

dye x xfaham plak..

n..

i'm running out of time..

it's wednesday beb!!..

i akn blk this sunday okay??

plus..

i x start satu pun..

i know it's my fault too..

sbb x bwat awl2..

but he have to understand me jgk..

n until today..

i still mad with him..

i don't talk to him much..

n make some face..

i don't know..

i really can't look at him right now..

i ask him to get me a new spec..

n he did'nt too!!..

he always nver had a time for me..

that is why he makes me evn mad..

today..

thursday..

tulat i da nk blk..

sempat ke??

nk bli brg2 lg..

i don't know..

n i don't know how to talk to him..

plus..

with my unbalance hormone..

he's getting on my nerves..

well..

maybe i shoul forget this..

n try to be nice to him..

so..

gtg..

smbg kerja add maths tue..

see ya..

LatE NyTe

i've been watching t.v from 8 pm until 2.30 am.

n i woke up early to do my prayer.

n i hve to wash my bedsheet n others.

for a spm candidates like me..

i hve nothing to do during hols..but to read...read..n read..

mum n dad would never allow me to go to the mall with my friends anymore.

n no more t.v.(but they still cnnt stop me frm watching it).

well.the point here is.

I WOKE UP EARLY TODAY N IT IS AT HOME.

it is extraordinary 4 me.

haha!!

hurm..

n there is a msg frm hotlink saying that one of my fren need rm5 frm me.

at that time i hve only rm13.11.

n gve him rm 5 n my crdt becmes rm8.11.

another frens ask me to call her n my crdt left is only rm7 ++.

we talk n talk bout her guy..hmeworks..n ??

n i dun noe what is my purpose going back here??

just to stay..watch t.v..giving topup to others..talking until late nyte??

i want to finish my homeworks..n study for the trial.

2 months left for me to prepare.

n i dun noe where to start.

is it too late???

well.i rmember one quote saying that..

it is not too late to do something coz we can start it from anywhere n anytime.

hurm..

i hve to believe at the quote n i want to start it now!!

FinGerS

FinGerS.
y?
i dun noe.
just thinking bout a name fer dis blog.
n suddenly it cross out my mind.
hurm.
for a long time i did'nt open dis.
coz of my "buzy schedule".
preparing fer spm trial n spm of course.
only 2 months left n i'm still wasting my time ryte now.
lot of my frens were buzy with the events at skul.
hksbp.
hurm.i would like to see them but i hve to go home.
if i hve money,i will go but..
my dad had a fever n i hve to stay at home lah.
hurm.
what is more interesting than having a boring time at home during hols.??
i dun want to go to classes.
its better fer me to go back to school than going fer tuition.
hurm.
don't noe wut to write anymore.
just say goodbye.
n say hello to my homeworks.